The last time I did the journey to my mum’s alone(technically it was in the opposite direction), I ended up sitting opposite “That Lad Off Shameless” on the train. It would have been a fairly uneventful affair but for my brain, which upon seeing “That Lad Off Shameless” registered a face it recognised(off the tele) and authorised an “Alright mate”. Again not that big a deal, however, trains are dull and make me grumpy(er) and on this occasion I delivered a textbook mate’s “Oh… Alright” with just the right amount of begrudgingness so you don’t look rude but not too little lest you have to have a ‘chat’. Unfortunately this left “That Lad Off Shameless” in no doubt that we were actually mates and I wasn’t merely an excited fan. So he spent the remaining journey alternating between trying to catch my eye (presumably for a catch up) and staring confused at me when he thought I was looking out of the window(presumably trying to work out who I was).
So how am I going to pressgang a solo train journey into a ‘dad’ blog? Well that was one of the most awkward journeys of my dashing young life and this one is going to beat it… any minute. There are two rather portly British transport police walking up and down the train, clearly looking for some young ragamuffin. Evidently a particularly handsome one as they keep stopping at the end of the carriage and discussing me with about as much subtlety as two policemen describing someone in to a radio on a quiet train(I can only assume the fugitive is deaf as they’re not exactly trying to hide it).
Anyway, my problem, apart from my impending incarceration and being described as around 5’10 on the radio, is how exactly am I going to explain why a bloke has £1000 cash, a Twilight box set and a breast pump in his bag?
Promise you’ll wait for me.
Oh and… The two oldish women going to The London are going to have a truly appalling mini break judging by the level of overly polite forced conversation they’re already having, 20 minutes in to their weekend(It’s Monday morning and as a restaurantist it’s my weekend)(and they’re retired so it’s definitely theirs).
A Father Of Daughters 